


Court Games

by CheckersPalace



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bars and Pubs, Crack, F/M, Gen, M/M, POV Alternating, Surprise Ending, Surprises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 16:44:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13252368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheckersPalace/pseuds/CheckersPalace
Summary: Spencer Reid wasn't the type of person who'd normally visit the bar scene- he was more the guy who stayed at home in his dinosaur onsie watching Doctor Who reruns with a warm cup of coffee to keep him company. However, Reid is dragged along to Rocket Bar where he challenges Derek Morgan in the game of courting.aka Spencer and Derek compete to get the most numbers by midnight. The winner is surprising.





	Court Games

**Author's Note:**

> <3

Spencer Reid knew he wasn’t conventionally ‘handsome’ or even ‘beautiful’ but damnit, he was a fucking _genius_ and that had to mean _something_ to people. Besides, just because he decided that relationships and casual sex wasn't for him, it didn’t mean that he was completely helpless in the game of courting. 

He just had to make Derek see that. 

“I’m just sayin, Reid,” Derek shrugged one (ginormous) shoulder and smiled. “I’ve been in this game since _high school_ , man, there’s. No. Way. That you’d even stand a chance against me- even with all 187 IQ points to your pretty little head.”

_Oh yeah? Well, I_ graduated _high school when I was twelve_. But Derek already knew that. 

Spencer narrowed his eyes at the older profiler, then relaxed. He knew what to do. “Just because you feel intimidated doesn’t excuse ridiculing my far-superior intelligence, _Agent Morgan_ ,” Spencer smirked. “Unless you’d like to test your… hypothesis? Make it scientific fact?”

Prentiss and JJ ‘oooh’ed and grinned at Spencer’s obvious goading.

“Hey, hey,” Derek protested. “I didn’t say I was ‘intimidated’, Smarty Pants. Just wanted you to know, ahead of time, of what you’re asking.”

“What did I miss?” Garcia came bounding back in a flurry of drinks and a rainbow of color. Her theme today appeared to be lemon limes. “Why are my babies so tense?”

“Reid challenged Morgan’s sexual prowess and Morgan is offended,” Prentiss informed her cheekily.

“Challenged _my_ Chocolate Sex God’s _sexual prowess_?” Garcia sounded genuinely horrified. “Reid, no offense, but you’re delusional!” 

Spencer leaned his weight fully on the bar and refused to look away from Derek. “If Morgan can’t take it, I’ll back off…” 

“I _did not_ say I couldn’t take it!” Derek protested. “Don’t you say I didn’t warn you, Pretty Body.”

“Oh, believe me, I won’t,” Spencer said with a mischievous expression.

JJ whooped and took a shot. “Okay boys, how are you planning on proving your manhood?”

“Whoever gets the most phone numbers by midnight wins,” Derek proposed, raising a brow at Spencer.

Spencer smirked. “Deal.”

 

 

Emily watched in interest as both her teammates bounded off in different directions. She couldn’t help but wondering what Reid was even _thinking_. She’d seen Morgan with girl’s hooked to his side like they were goddamned _fish_ and knew Morgan had more numbers from beautiful strangers than he knew what to do with.

“Has Reid ever seen the number of girl’s hanging off Morgan’s every word and _breath_ on a daily basis?” Garcia asked expansively and proving Emily’s point, “Also, has either of you ever _seen_ Reid with a girl?”

No, Emily hadn’t, actually. She chewed on that for a moment.

JJ, ever loyal to the godfather of her son, took offense. “Morgan might be more… _experienced_. But Spencer is no ugly duckling. Honestly, I wouldn’t count Spence out.”

“How about another wager, ladies?” Emily laughed as both women looked at her in surprise. “Just cause the guys made a bet doesn’t mean that we can’t.”

“That’s… not a bad idea,” JJ said. “Okay, so obviously I’m with Spence.”

“I love my junior G-man,” Garcia said as she turned her attention to where Morgan was talking to a pretty brunette. “But I _know_ that Derek Sexy Stuff Morgan over there will win.”

Both women turned expectantly towards Emily. It didn’t take long for her to make a decision.

“I’d have to go with Garcia on this one. No woman would be stupid enough to turn Morgan down. He has an hour and a bar _full_ of women.”

Emily saw JJ glance at the direction where Reid went. She grinned triumphantly. “Hope your salaries are well-funded, ladies, because next rounds on you!”

 

 

Spencer might’ve not been able identify social cues the same as other people, but he _could_ recognize micro-expressions and body language better than most. That, combined with vocal nuances and the right bodily gestures, pretty much guaranteed him the string of numbers needed to win.

Also, feelings of attraction and lust were the works of chemistry from the brain. Spencer _knew_ science like the _back of his hand_. He might have had a thinner body that most would look over in favor of the muscled mass that Morgan exhibited, but in the end of the day, it was all just science.

It also couldn’t hurt that it wasn’t against the rules to pursue both men _and_ women.

Spencer loved loop holes.

“The name’s Liam,” a handsome man with endearing dimples and freckles introduced himself. “I couldn’t help but noticing…” Liam let the words trail off suggestively.

“Noticing… what, exactly?” Spencer teased. He tucked his hair behind his ear and licked his lips. Liam followed the movement with his eyes.

“Why a pretty thing like you isn’t attached to someone,” Liam smiled beatifically. “How bout we exchange numbers, sweetness, and see if we can fix that?”

“Well, it must be your lucky night because I’d normally wouldn’t accept a proposition like that,” Spencer smiled shyly back. “But I’ll make an exception for you.”

 

 

Two sets of gaping eyes and mouths stared at the familiar figure of their colleague, Spencer Reid, who appeared to be _flirting_ with another man. It wasn’t an issue of this show of sexuality- far from it. It was just…

They had never seen Reid even suggest an interest in men… and it wasn’t just men, either. As a matter of fact, they hadn’t seen Reid express attraction to, well, _anybody_.

Sure, they knew the odd persons demonstrated promiscuous intentions towards the genius but Reid never returned it. And come to think of it, they _had_ seen him appear to actually _like_ the young actress, Lila Archer and knew she had given him her number…

But nothing had come out of it! They’d know if it had… wouldn’t they?

Or was there more to Dr. Spencer Reid than meets the eye?

 

 

“My name is Holly. How about you?”

“Bessie.”

“Robin.”

“Peter.”

“Levi Owens.”

“Jacob.”

“Cassandra.”

“Daniel. But you can call me DJ.”

“Harris.”

“West.”

“Piper.”

“Watson.”

“Stacy.”

“Pleasure to meet you, I’m Spencer Reid.”

 

 

Derek was confident that he had beaten Spencer. How could he _not_ have?

The genius might have had more certificates to his name and statistical facts and figures imprinted in his brain, but everyone had limits. Spencer’s just happened to be his social awkwardness.

For god’s sakes, Derek remembered even having to _coach_ his friend on how to talk to women! He knew Spencer was a fast learner, but this was Derek’s playing field.

No pupil, not even Dr. Spencer Reid, could beat the master in his own game.

As midnight passed by, Derek bid adieu to Faith and headed towards the bar table that his teammates were at. He smiled to himself when he saw that Spencer was already there. 

_Kid must’ve given up early_ , Derek thought as he reached them. He swung a friendly arm around his soulmate and best friend, Penelope Garcia.

“Someone looks smug,” Prentiss commented.

“Like a satisfied lion,” JJ agreed, laughing blue eyes peering at him.

“What can I say?” Derek smirked and observed his friends. “I’m just that damned good.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure, Morgan,” Prentiss laughed. “I wouldn’t count Reid out just yet…”

Derek frowned and peered at Spencer, who was fighting a grin. He looked to be hiding something… No matter.

“Really, Prentiss? Gonna spoil my winnings already?” Derek clapped his free hand over his chest in mock hurt. “I _know_ I’ve got it.” He squeezed Penelope’s shoulder.

“And I know you’ve got it, Sugar Bear,” Penelope flirted back. “So, how’d you do, Love Bug?”

Derek leered and dug out his phone from his pocket. He waved it at his colleagues, “Twelve new numbers in the hour we had. I swear I’m running out of space. Now, how about you, Pretty Boy?”

“Twelve?” Spencer sounded surprised and Derek _knew_ he won. “That would be _approximately_ five minutes to a number. Quite impressive, Morgan…”

Something wasn’t right.

“But?” Derek hedged. _Oh shit_. He didn’t. He couldn’t have.

Spencer rocked on his heels, gangly hands tucked into pockets and smiled smugly. “ _But_ not as impressive as four point two-eight-six minutes to a number.”

JJ squealed and congratulated Spencer. Penelope and Prentiss groaned, complaining about not having the same salary as their liaison.

“ _What_?” Derek exclaimed over the cheers. “That’s not possible. How is that possible?”

Penelope patted his back and Derek tried not to feel too offended. “I’m sorry, Oh Prince Of My Heart, but Reid here,” she pointed at the genius, “had more fish to fry than you did.”

Derek blinked. “What does that even mean?”

“It means,” JJ said between chuckles. “That Spence had twice the amount of people available to him.” When Derek’s expression didn’t clear, she explained further. “Spencer got _both_ gender’s numbers.”

Derek mulled that over and studied his friend. Spencer’s head was ducked under the praise from his friends. His cheeks were flushed with pleasure and his eyes were shining. Derek shook his head good-naturedly. He wouldn’t deny the happiness of his friend, but he had to know…

“So, girls and guys, huh?”

The reaction was almost immediate. Spencer looked up through the waves of his hair and Derek didn’t miss the fear there.

“Not judging, Reid,” Derek soothed. “I’m not upset that you swing both ways. I just didn’t know this side of you, that’s all.”

Spencer relaxed. “Oh. Well then. It’s only that I don’t believe in the constraints that society holds on gender or sexuality. It’s completely unnecessary and studies have proven that it’s as natural as any other form of attraction. Additionally, the human brain is the most diverse form emotionally and psychologically known to life and it’s impossible that it would conform to society’s ideology.” Spencer ducked his head. “Also, I’m not attracted to the body, but rather the mind. It doesn’t really matter to me what _parts_ a person has.”

Derek smiled fondly, “I wouldn’t have expected anything else, Pretty Boy.”

“For curiosity’s sake,” Prentiss jumped in, “how many numbers were guys and how many were girls?”

“Uh, six girls and eight guys,” Spencer blushed.

“Damn,” Derek swore. “Three more and I would’ve beat you.” 

“Hmm,” Penelope grinned devilishly. “Any chance on _me_ getting a hand on one of those numbers, handsome?”

“Calm down, Baby Girl,” Derek teased. “You _know_ I got you covered.”

“That you do, My Dark Knight, but I saw an absolute _cutie_ with Reid tonight and I’d like to meet him.”

“Ouch, that _hurts_ ,” Derek groaned theatrically. “Who was it?”

“Dunno, but he had the most adorable dimples and Derek, you know I love you, but _freckles_ will forever be the death of me!” Penelope stared at Spencer. “So, what do you say, huh?”

JJ and Prentiss snickered. Derek rolled his eyes and watched the genius. He was curious to see Spencer’s blush deepen.

“Wait a minute, wait a _minute_ ,” Derek grinned wolfishly. “You _like_ him, don’t you, Pretty Boy?”

Penelope moaned in anguish. JJ patted her arm. 

“Let’s just say that Liam and I have dinner plans next Friday,” Spencer smiled. “Barring, we don’t get called out.”

The team cheered for Spencer and Prentiss got up to get another round in celebration.

They all also had the feeling that there would always be more to Spencer than they ever knew.

 

_end._

**Author's Note:**

> soo... funny story, I was very determined to finish my Christmas fic 'A Criminals Carol' but I got sick and depressed so I didn't???
> 
> Anyway, I wrote this about a month ago b/c I thought it was /hilarious/ if Reid won in Morgan's own game???
> 
> Let me know what you thought:)


End file.
